"It feels amazing, but it can't be healthy, can it?"
When limerence starts, it does feel amazing. Life is more colourful, more exciting, more... vibrant. But that euphoria doesn't last, especially when you become limerent for someone that you shouldn't. Then, things can go very badly wrong. Blissful daydreams turn into intrusive thoughts. Enjoying their company turns into desperately craving it. You once felt superpowered, but now you feel powerless.
You feel, in short, like you are addicted to another person.
"The worst part is being completely at the mercy of these super strong emotions. Going between the happiest I have ever felt when there is a positive interaction and the deepest depression when something negative happens."
"I think the powerlessness of a situation like this is the worst feeling. You feel that your emotions are in someone else’s hands and that made me incredibly edgy and fragile."
"I cried for days about him even though I was going to sleep next to my husband every night."
"How do I stop these thoughts/feelings from coming to me? I know I need to focus on my marriage and work at it but LO is constantly in my head."
If you can relate to any of those comments, then you know all about the limerence trap.
At first, the presence of this new person is thrilling and motivating and intoxicating, but then it becomes an obsession that derails your life - you can't concentrate on anything else, you neglect your other relationships, and your work begins to suffer. And of course most of us don't even really notice it happening until it's too late. The slide from good vibes into bad limerence is a series of small steps and small decisions, that we don't realise are adding up.
One option, of course, is therapy. The "answer" to limerence, if you work your way down to the very root cause, is going to be about some really fundamental aspects of your personality. Why are you attracted to the people you are attracted to? What is the origin of your desires? What is going on in your life right now to make you more vulnerable to limerence? How are you relating to the other important people in your life?
That's slow - and potentially expensive - work. Of course, investing in yourself is always a good idea, and it's definitely worthwhile to look into these deep drives, but for many limerents the problem is more urgent. Day to day life is a mess, and they need to take action now, to at least get enough mental and emotional "head room" to buy themselves time for deeper analysis.
As a neuroscientist, I looked at the problem of limerence differently. I wanted to understand how limerence happens - what's actually going on in the brain during the limerence experience. Why are some people so addictive? Why does it switch from euphoria to obsession? How do a series of small decisions form into a habit, and then a dependency, and then a life-altering mess?
And most importantly: can you use that knowledge to help you rewrite the mental program?
Imagine taking back control of your own emotional stability. Imagine getting up in the morning and not immediately experiencing the mingled pang of excitement and anxiety, as your mind locks onto thoughts of Them.
How about, instead of another sleepless night wondering what they meant by that ambiguous comment - or steaming with resentment or embarrassment about their behaviour - you sleep peacefully knowing you have a plan, and that you just have to stick to it?
Building on the neuroscience and psychology of limerence, the deprogramming course offers an action plan for how to get control of the emotional storm and plot your path to freedom. This is an emergency intervention to turn down the volume on your limerence, and give you the space you need to re-establish emotional equilibrium.
The course is laid out in five modules with video and audio presentations, worksheets, and guides that build a strategy for managing, then mastering limerence:
Module 1: The pathway to recovery
- The elements of limerence
- Brain training: how we program ourselves into limerence
- Deep drives: understanding where your feelings come from
- The pathway to freedom
Module 2: Your Action Plan
- Analyse your limerent object
- Analyse your vulnerabilities
- The recovery mindset
- Your action plan for recovery
Module 3: Reprogramming techniques
- The psychology of behavioural change
- Monsters and Treasures
- Mastering rumination and intrusive thoughts
- Managing contact
- The temptations of social media
- Writing your limerence story
Module 4: Relapses and resistance
- Traps for the unwary: why many limerents fail
- Recovering from relapses
- How to get closure
- Resistance, and how to beat it
Module 5: Future proofing
- Preparing for next time
- The key to lasting recovery
- A purposeful life
Additional course materials:
- Personal action plan for recovery
- Key checkpoints for progress review
- Tactical worksheets
- Case studies
The advanced deprogramming course has additional resources that tackle some of the most challenging aspects of limerence recovery, with in-depth analysis, advanced techniques, and detailed discussion.
The complete core course
Bonus module: The hardest problems
- I don't want to lose our friendship
- I feel so guilty
- Withdrawal is too painful
- I have to know how they feel...
- Is all hope lost?
The extras vault:
A continually growing repository of extra information, in-depth analysis, and the latest insights into limerence. Including:
Advanced reprogramming techniques
Audio series: "the freedom files"
- The excitement of limerent objects
- Wanting revenge
- The seasons of life
- Long-term relationships
- Trust and respect
The course is based on well established neuroscience and psychological principles. It was built and refined over a couple of years with the help of a team of testers, and hundreds of students have now taken the course.
Here is what some of them had to say:
"Wow this has helped me and educated me so much. So pleased with my progress and extremely grateful for the programme. God knows my mental state if I didn't have that to work through." W.R.
"I only wish I had known about limerence and completed this course 30 years ago. What a difference it could have made in my life!" E.L.
"Definitely worth taking, brings a lot of insights into the limerent condition and offers good coping strategies" H.N.
"I took the course and I can tell you it’s worth every cent it cost. Dr L did a great job with the course and thanks to him and this community I am well on my way to total peace after going on Six years of pure Hell." - Mike
I want do a little happy dance and tell everyone something good. The advice here works! I feel better than I have in YEARS - Jane
"I hate how limerence makes me feel but the prospect of not having it terrifies me a little bit."
One of the worst aspects of the limerence trap is that you feel helpless. Limerents know that they need to give up the person that they are addicted to, but it seems impossible. They ask themselves questions like: What if I give in to the craving again? What if I can't find the willpower to go no contact? What if I self-sabotage because I know (deep down) that part of me wants to fail?
Just think about the implications of that - you tell yourself "I'm going to stop this" but you know you're lying to yourself. How do you break a downward spiral like that?
Well, the guiding principle of the course is that you may feel powerless, but you aren't. There are concrete steps that you can take to make a change. This isn't about "pulling yourself together" or "just keeping away from them" - relying entirely on willpower will never work. This is about having an action plan, understanding your drives and how to redirect them, and making it easier to do the right thing in small, attainable steps. Tapping into the same neurochemical systems and same behavioural patterns that got you addicted in the first place, and using them to rewrite the program.
This course will help you if:
- You are limerent for someone who you cannot form a relationship with.
- You know that limerence is disrupting your life and work.
- You've been trying to escape the trap but keep having setbacks.
- You want to deprogram as quickly as possible, without hurting others.
This course probably won't help you if:
- You are still in the "euphoria" phase of limerence.
- You mainly want to change your behaviour because you think it will affect your limerent object's opinion of you.
- You feel like you should want the limerence to end, but don't really want it to end.
- Your partner has demanded/begged that you do something.
Ultimately, it's impossible to guarantee that these techniques will work for every individual limerent. We are, after all, unique individuals. But what we can guarantee is that if this course doesn't help you, we'll refund the whole cost.
If you work through the modules but don't gain new insights and new strength for tackling limerence, let us know within 30 days for a full refund. We believe in this strategy enough to make it risk free.
Of course. Maybe. There is a lot of material out there on love and limerence and dealing with the pain of conflicted desire. Maybe if you read another article you'll understand at last, find the golden ticket, or finally see the path out.
But it's likely to take a long time to solve this through trial and error, and you'll probably just delay taking action a little longer.
"I know it can't go on forever and there is likely some emotional fallout - but I want to delay that fall out just for a little bit...so I can continue to experience what I am experiencing. I physically cannot bring myself to go NC. It feels like trying to jump off something when you really don't want to. You can't bring yourself to do it."
You may feel like this: like you are at the edge of a cliff and steeling yourself to jump, but held back by subconscious resistance. Eventually, though, you will have to fight back against that resistance if you are ever going to free yourself.
"The highs are so high but there is always a crash. Always pain afterwards. I just want to feel normal again but can't untangle myself "
Decisive action is the best path out. Part of the value of this course is the opportunity to commit to personal change. To use the psychological power of proving that you value yourself as the first positive step towards recovery.
Ultimately, you just have to decide. Are you ready to take action?
Sign up now to take that first step: